...As Heaven that you take me to. Life in Melbourne Part Two.

Bernie. In Simon's cube. On some chairs.

Going Out ...and Staying In
It's fair to say that Melbourne is not a cheap place to drink, especially if you rock up with the ever dwindling Pound Sterling. It is however a fantastic place to drink, with a range of locally brewed  beers on offer that really blow your mind – and in our case, the bottle-shop-running beer connoisseur Bernie to guide us through them all! Add to that several excellent wine growing regions in the area an you have the start of a good night. Throw in the food and good pubs already mentioned by Luke and Melbourne really is a great place to go out.

One of the best places for a night on the tiles are Smith and Brunswick Streets where not only are the good bars too numerous to list, but there is always some sort of live music, comedy or dancing to be found. Yah Yahs is a great place to for crazy dancing and our unbelievably messy last night out finished off in a random club with the ancient looking Northern Soul legend,  DJ and Warrington native Vince Peach on the decks.

Luke, Dee and Vince Peach. 'Nuff said.

With all this dancing and drinking to be done it's
surprising that we found so much time for trivia, but find time we did, with our team Quiz On My Ten Dollar Jugs (Aka BARRY).  The aforementioned Great  Northern pub has a decent quiz night on a Wednesday which we frequented, however our team and knowledge base was better to suited to the Sunday Night music quiz in the Empress - which we won several times. Our favourite quiz of all the quizzes, however, was Tuesday night in the Railway with Greg. The epitome of an old school quiz master, he gave us a few nudges in the right direction when we were simply too Anglo to cope with the Aussie rules questions (and before Crispi and Chris joined the team!). He also seemed genuinely sad to see us leave on our last night, and we were – the beer might have been pretty terrible, but the Railway was a bit of home away from home. Also worth a mention a a trivia alternative is the excellent Bogan Bingo (also on Wednesday nights) which is bingo with a distinctly bogan twist.

After seven months on the road it was great to not only have a place we called home, but a garden to go with it and -as we might have mentioned fabulous flatmates. This resulted in an array of fun packed, and often messy, nights staying in as well as going out, from the traditional Aussie barbie to fancy dress Eurovison night! We also celebrated and watched the royal wedding with a fancy dress British themed house party at Chris and Kate's, and celebrated Luke and Bernie's birthdays with Seventies VS Eighties themed house party.

Looking back I can't remember how I found the time to work or save any money! (Louise)

The People
Though we lived in Australia for close on six months, we travelled relatively little. As such, I'm in no place to pass sweeping judgement on the nation's psyche, or pretend to have crawled under the skin on the Australian people. Having said that, there's no escaping the fact that – aided and abetted by a print and broadcast media that, with the honourable exception of ABC, SBS and The Age, are uniformly repugnant in their right-wing zealotry -  quite a few Aussies have a beef with their indigenous peoples. And foreigners in general. And immigrants. And climate change. And Greenies. And 'scroungers'.  And....

Now Melbourne is by no means free of such prejudices – perceived or real – but as a city and a people, both Melbourne and Melburnians seem far more at ease with themselves and their history than some of their fellow citizens in other states. As home to the fabulous Immigration Museum, Melbourne retains a quiet pride at its history of accepting, if not always welcoming, peoples from around the world. Indeed, as the vibrant Greek and Chinese areas of the CBD show to this day, much of Melbourne's reputation for great food and culture is thanks to these very people. And even though the Liberals recently took control of the State legislature, most people reacted with thinly-veiled disgust when the new administration tried to axe the Aboriginal 'Welcome to Country' given at the start of Government events and visits. Indeed, such was the backlash that there was a hastily-beat and amusingly cack-handed retreat beat.

And though the locals might not have the unbeatably sunny chipperness of the Kiwis (which is not always a bad thing), they are a pretty welcoming bunch, usually keen to help new arrivals get the most out of their city. From the pubs – and quizzes – we frequented, to the local cafés and eateries, through to our local shops, we were made to feel like we we were not only welcome to stay a while, but would be welcome to make the place our home. To such an extent that, was we've already said, we very nearly did. (Luke)

Museums and Galleries

Melbourne could be described as the cultural capital of Australia, whilst it doesn't have as many tourist hotspots as Sydney it does have a great selection of galleries and museums - many of which we didn't fit in during our five months there.

The Melbourne museum had a rather overpriced Tutankhamen exhibit on whilst we were in Melbourne which we skipped in favour of its better permanent displays. It has a great outdoors section on Victorian natural history, a fantastic history of the city and a truly brilliant section on Aboriginal art and history. Less interesting for Brits is an entire display on a famous horse, and an obsession with excavating “really old” ruins from as far back as 150 years ago.

The Immigration museum gives a fantastic history of the development of Australia through immigration and its immigration policy - still very much a hot topic in Australia today. It described the multicultural city that Melbourne was even a hundred years ago, and outlined the shocking All White Australia policy that even the Australian Labor party held until the mid seventies. Fun can be had trying out the different boat cabins from different eras, but the highlight for was trying your hand at being an immigration officer, where you get to decide whether someone should be given right to remain. Whilst taking a neutral stand on modern day immigration policy the museum does subtly point out that (aside from the Aboriginal communities) the majority of Australians today are themselves descendants of the dreaded boat people.

The Melbourne Jail is well worth a visit, Though full ticket prices are very expensive. With your ticket you can visit  both the original Victorian jail and the more modern jail which only stopped functioning 1990s. The jail provides an insight into Australia's much loved (by tourists as much as Australians) history of  criminality. The jail is particularly popular because national hero and folklore legend Ned Kelly was imprisoned and eventually executed here. What great cause did he champion that makes him still so popular with Australians today? Well as far as I can tell, thieving, mainly.

The modern Federation Square in the centre of Melbourne is a good place to start if you like museums and galleries. Opposite the main Flinders Street Station, with several cafes, restaurants and the tourist office, all the trams stop here and its always busy. It has a good vibe and hosts many of the many festivals, showing how good a new build square can be when you get it right.

Melbourne is a wash with galleries with something for everyone's tastes. Personal highlights included the Ian Potter Gallery, the National Gallery of Victoria, and a great temporary art exhibition made from Lego.

Working in Melbourne
While Lou coasted through her working life in Melbourne – found a job early on, never loved it or hated it, end of  story – my employment history was a little more varied. My first job, making fresh pastas and sauces for a bunch of right shithouses in Carlton North, was an utter nightmare that makes me shudder to this day. Second gig with a portly, constantly wired but very lovely Croatian-Australian and his fledgeling ad agency was amusing enough, though it was pretty clear that he was paying me from his overdraft and I'd already tired of writing articles about stainless-steel work surfaces and industrial chest freezers.

Melbourne - and St Kilda - icon, Luna Park

And then came City of Port Phillip Council. My three month placement as Media Advisor, covering while the full-time post holder worked at the UN in New York, was in itself a highlight of my time in Australia. Though I'm sure that already time has dimmed some of the frustrations I felt during my time there, it was a real pleasure to work with so many talented, committed and – to my eyes at least – politically sound people. An award-winning Council, CoPP today is still a  little bruised after an unbelievably rancorous planning issue erupted into a media and political dog fight that even shocked me, and led to a change of Council and blood-letting across the organisation. (A quick Google of 'St Kilda Triangle' will give you more of a gist if you want one.) However, under the leadership of crack CEO Kay Rundle, a new Executive Management Team, and a freshly blooded  elected chamber, the Council has re-grouped with speed and aplomb. It was also incredibly interesting to see how a local authority worked on the other side of the world. In essence, it seemed to be 'same, same but different' –  only seven Councillors, far fewer statutory obligations and a funding structure that made me wince. In essence, the services you get from your council depends on what they want to fund and the priorities of the elected members. Not a problem at CoPP – but possibly a recipe for disaster in less community focused councils.

St Kilda Town Hall, and CoPP HQ.

Not only was I made to feel incredibly welcome in the organisation, with my advice and contributions welcomed and considered, I learned a great deal and made a great many friends. What was meant to be a stop-gap way to trouser a few quid while on the road quickly became a job that I cared about very much. I also enjoyed it hugely, quite possibly due to the unusual number of media shit storms that erupted during my time in town – challenges for sure, but also what I (secretly) enjoy. Respect for my former co-workers prevents me from recounting any 'closed door' stories here, but I really did have a blast. Naming colleagues is always a dangerous game as well as some invariably get accidentally dropped, but former State Government advisor Brooke was one of the finest strategic minds I've ever had the pleasure of working with, and made my time much easier. (She was also amusingly foul mouthed when the mood took, which made me feel far more comfortable.) Sian was a great line manager and good friend, while both my Mayors – Rachel and Judith – were truly dedicated professionals. Yuki tolerating my language, Carol with a smile as fab as her baking, Shob with her BBC obsession, Anna's encyclopedic council knowledge.Indeed, the whole Communications and Engagement Team were great, making a gobby Welsh bloke feel far more comfortable than they needed to.  Some friendships and working relationships were only just blossoming when it was time for me to leave. I miss them all very much – almost as much as I miss the salary. And I'm really chuffed that I got through this without mentioning Sue killing any dogs... (Luke)

Our friends
But for both of us, the real highlight of our time in town was the great group of people that we shared it with.

Team Barry, combining brains and wit with indisputable sex appeal.

 Dee and Bernie – the dream housemates; Nat and Crispi, music-loving quiz regulars; Chris and Pauline, lovely and for a time our only friends in  town; Simon and Jade, incomparable fun and purveyors of filth; Kate and Chris, quizzing stalwarts and an absolute hoot.

And last, but by no means least - always there with a comforting hug on those long lonely, job hunting days -Greystoke. We salute you all!

So bye bye Melbourne - hello the end of Oz.

Stay warm,

Luke and Louise

xx

If Paradise is half as nice … Life in Melbourne Part One

Much is made – by both wanky residents and even wankier travel writers – about Melbourne's 'liveability'. Indeed, only a few weeks ago, it was named the most liveable city in the world by the annual Global Livability Survey, and as it was on the BBC, it must be true. And though we've stayed in bigger, more visceral, sweeter, more exciting and some downright more intoxicating cities during our travels, Melbourne was – with the brief exception of beautiful Buenos Aires – the only place we really called home. In short, we fell utterly, giddily and a little embarrassingly in love with Melbourne. And to honour that fact, here is our Top Ten utterly subjective, highly selective and quite possibly factually inaccurate reasons why we almost moved to the land Down Under. (Luke)


1. Winners and Losers

Straight in at Number One is this Melbourne-based drama of sweeping, Pinter-esque proportions, a beautifully scripted and hard hitting slice of... okay, okay. I lie. It's a painfully contrived, terribly acted slice of utter arse, broadcast weekly on Channel Seven. We loved it – and are still in pieces about missing the season finale. Reason enough to apply for residency – Google it now, and never look back. (Luke)



2. Food

Breaking with the habit of a lifetime, I didn't put food at the top of the list. But truth be told I should  have, as Melbourne is without a doubt the most fabulously foodie city we've visited. It is a challenge in itself to find a bad meal in the city, but as my amusing new body shape is testament to, it's a challenge I took up with gusto. And them some.

Ably aided and abetted by Bernie and Dee – possibly the only two people in the world who enjoy eating out as well and regularly as us – we took in a dizzying array of pubs, cafés and restaurants, serving everything from Thai to steaks, with at least half a dozen Chicken Parmigianas in between. (For the record, the finest specimen of this wonderful Aussie staple can be found at our local boozer – The Great Northern on Rathdowne Street, Carlton North.) But where else to recommend? For starters, head to the suburbs for the best grub. The CBD has a few gems – Post Deng Cafe  in China Town for a bargain lunch, and Cookie for some Thai with a twist in a fantastic setting – but the real actions lies elsewhere.

For some classic, and classy, French fayre with amusingly surly service, Madam Sousou on Brunswick Street, Fitzroy is hard to beat, with a nifty Euro wine list to boot. Markov Place, again in our Carlton North stomping ground, is well worth a visit for some top notch modern dishes with a Spanish / South American flavour. Book ahead a push through the over-filled bar area at the front and bag a table in the huge, welcoming space out back. The wine list has a few top-notch Argentinians, the bubbles are not too pricey and the lamb sublime – as is the chocolate fondants that the kitchen knocks out at an alarming speed and quality.

Honourable mention also to Residential Kitchen on the Carlton North stretch of Lygon Street. Good breakfasts for a lazy Saturday morning, but their Sunday roasts are the real winner, complete with home-made horseradish sauce and a desert tasting platter that you can't help but finish. Lastly – and this list really is appallingly brief – are the cafes that line suburban streets across the city, though – surprise, surprise – we were most au fait with our locals in Carlton North. At a pinch, I'd say that Black Ruby on Rathdowne Street kicked out the finest breakfast brunch I've ever seen – and let's not shit ourselves, that's quite a few. (Luke)

Festivals and Events

What ever the day, week or month there is always something going on in Melbourne. The first day we arrived we couldn't catch the tram we needed as a Greek festival dominated the Greek quarter of the city centre with dancing, kebabs and baklava. You can make the mistake on arrival in Melbourne of thinking you've been pretty lucky to get there the same weekend a festival or event is taking place - what you soon realise is its difficult to find a weekend when there isn't. During our time there, there was the Australian Grand Prix, a food and drink festival, a magic festival, a jazz festival, an architecture festival and a beer festival to name just a few. The main difficulty living in Melbourne is trying to fit in everything you want to!

We particularly enjoyed several evenings at the comedy festival, which runs through out March and is the Southern Hemisphere's biggest.

Another memorable day out was the charity Aussie rules football, a  massive fundraising effort for local charities organised by PBS and Triple J radio stations. Melbourne's leading alternative radio station, PBS is funded purely by donations and the breakfast show is also hosted by the lovely Crispi, a good mate of ours. A good day was had by all, Luke and I got to see an Aussie football match, and after the match we were able to run on to the pitch and play ball! (LM)

Hidden fun and the Suburbs

Melbourne CBD (or city centre) is relatively small as city centres go, but it certainly packs a lot in – a couple of universities, a state parliament, China town, the Greek quarter, an array of shopping centres, some gorgeous victorian architecture and the financial district to name a few. It is however, at first glance a little disappointing.

More disappointing still was our first Saturday night. Everyone had told us that Melbourne is great for going out in. We thought its Saturday night, we've arrived  in the most expensive place on our trip so far, and have no money. So hey - let's go drinking! Which we would have, if we'd been able to find a pub worth going to. We ended up with a take out beer on our hotel roof, pondering the question “just where is Melbourne's famed nightlife to be found?”

We discovered the anwer on meeting my old work colleague and now Melbourne residents, Chris and Pauline for a drink in the CBD a few weeks later. And the answer is “hidden”. The directions to any good bar in the CBD always involve at least one of the following sentences:
“Once you get the corner of that street turn down the second alleyway on the right”.
“You jut need to walk up three flights of stairs and the entrance is up there.”
“ If you get to … you've probably missed it.”
“Its got a green door, but there's no sign and it'll probably look closed even if it isn't.”
“If you didn't know it was there you wouldn't see it.”
It made me think of prohibition. It's a bit baffling at first but endearing in the end and contrasts to the brashness of places like Sydney. It's like being let in to a secret.

The real action however happens not in the CBD but in the suburbs...

Toorak was where we spent the majority of our first few weeks in Melbourne. South of the river, this quiet plush neighbourhood holds some great examples of Melbourne's typical victorian houses, covered in Art Nouveau style wrought iron. You can loose yourself for a few hours in the park and botanical gardens which stretch from here to the CBD. You an also while away a few hours wondering from here to Prahan where you find a fantastic array of op shops (charity shops) and Prahan's great, though absurdly overpriced, foody market.

St Kilda is a famous backpacker haven only twenty minutes south of the river and on the beach, home to hostels, bars and an iconic fairground. To be honest we found it rather quiet when we stayed their midweek, and if anything its a little seedy and grubby, but the little pier made it worth a walk about. St Kilda is however home to two Melbourne greats  - the fabulous South Melbourne Market …. and SBS's Rockwiz.

Brighton is further out and posher than St Kilda, but also on the coast. The beaches here are lovely on a sunny day and its home to an array of fancy cafes. It is famous for its picture perfect, brightly coloured beach houses.

Richmond hosts many of Melbourne's Vietnamese and Thai communities, and as such has a dearth of great restaurants with some of the best South East Asian food outside of South East Asia. I'm sure there is a lot more to this lovely Eastern suburb, but we went there for the food (I know unusual for us).

Fitzroy and Collingwood are clearly the coolest suburbs in Melbourne, and host the best nightlife. Smith Street and Brunswick streets have a grungy edge to them, and great pubs on every corner. This is also the place to get your ultimate op shop bargins – its all about the vintage in this part of Melbourne.

Carlton, home to Melbourne's Italian community, is rich with gelati, pizzerias and tales of the Mafia. Lygon Street I the many drag here and whilst many of the Italian restaurants on this stretch kick out below average Italian food (and I'm told some are still home to Mafioso), the atmosphere and the coffee are fab all the same. It is also home to Melbourne university and Melbourne museum.

Carlton North (Rathdowne Village) was by far our favourite suburb, but of course we our biased, was our home for our time in Melbourne. A stretch of quiet, leafy roads with typically Melbourne victorian houses decorated in intricated wood and wrought iron fronted shops. This area is swimming in great cafes, great pubs and great people. The “village” also has an excellent post office and library! (LM)

5. Being in touching distance of glorious scenery
Its almost impossible to fit five months of greatest hits into two blogs. Even more so if you spend much of that time boring people with all the food you liked to eat and places to hang out in. So I will try to keep this brief in an attempt to bring our blog up to date.

Melbourne is clearly a fantastic city to hang out in – but its also located in spitting distance of some real magic. Here is a list of our favourite trips out. We'll let the pictures do the talking...

Puffing Billy and the Dandenongs
We took a Easter trip out to the Dandenong mountain ranges, as well as enjoying the countryside you can get there by the Puffing Billy Steam train.

The Yarra Valley and the Wineries
The Yarra Valley is one of the most scenic localities near Melbourne made all the better as a day trip by its selection of world class wineries. We had a magic and fantastic trip round a good few of these wineries (and having a good few glasses of wine) with Chris and Pauline one lovely Sunday. We also fit in a trip to a gallery!

 


Healesville and Healesville Sanctuary
Healesville is the main town in the Yarra Valley and it is a lovely day trip in itself. We did two trips there. Once, by public transport, to eat and be merry with Bernie and Dee in the local pub and in Giant Steps winery, and a second time to visit the amazing Healesville animal sanctuary.

 


Philip Island
We stayed overnight on the lovely Philip Island for Luke's birthday, which is famous for its little penguins. The trip highlights for us however, was seeing koalas for the first time in the koala reservation and seeing an echidna in the wild!

 

The Great Ocean Road
Back on the road in a campervan, we drove down the great ocean road in Victoria's winter bank holiday weekend and enjoyed the breath taking and rugged coastline. Highlights of the weekend included seeing koalas and kangaroos in the wild and seeing a particularly famous light house.

Ramsey Street
No stay in Melbourne is complete without a visit to the one and only Ramsey Street. Not only can you get your picture taken in the street where Charlene, Scott, Lou and Harold (to name but a few) have all stood, but you can film your own scenes from the street! Watch this space for our Oscar winning attempts! (LM)

Until next time, stay warm,
Luke and Louise

Posted by Louise and Luke.

Beginning to see the light : Getting settled in Melbourne

A typical Australian street sign. Possibly.

 As we've wound our way across countries and continents over the past twelve months, the blog has rarely been more than one or two 'stops' behind. While this has been a source of pride to us for most of the trip, it also doesn't really tell the whole story, especially as the one 'stop' that we are currently behind lasted all of... er... five months. Welcome to Australia.

Oh, Australia. The 'fair go' country to its immigrant inhabitants; a cruel and unusual construct to many of its long suffering indigenous peoples; home in the sun to a large, diverse ex-pat community; and career suicide for Baz Luhrmann.

Louise and I arrived in Melbourne after a wonderful month traversing New Zealand, and it's fair to say that our original impressions were not good. That said, our original impressions were based entirely on a train station waiting room that smelled like a drunken grannies incontinence pad, a visit to Hungry Jacks (Euro-dwellers read Burger King) and a few glimpses of a city centre that seemed to rival Birmingham in its underwhelming, hum-drum, workaday aesthetic. That, almost six months later, Louise and I were tantalisingly close to staying and making Melbourne our home for at least the foreseeable future gives you an idea of just how much we fell for the place. And, truth be told, how good the wages were.

But how can you fit five fantastic months into a blog post? Well, you can't. And in this instance, my usual maxim of 'begin at the beginning' isn't that useful either, as three weeks hopping from hostel to hostel, failing to get a job and rapidly running out of money doesn't make for that great a read either. So it's probably best to fast-forward to the point where things started to make sense and the fun actually began in earnest. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Dee and Bernie.

***

Free breakfasts served here. And the odd corpse.

Standing on the overcrowded tram on the way to Rathdowne Street in Melbourne's trendy Carlton North, Lou and I had hit something of a plateau. Though Lou was working a steady, well-paying job in the Social Research Centre, I was still spending my time schlepping the streets forlornly handing out CVs and waiting for recruitment agencies to call. The hostel we were living in, though not without its peculiar charms, was nonetheless a former retirement home with a few of its hard-line tenants still ensconced in a locked wing. That one of these tenants was lying dead on a hospital gurney in the hall that morning (thankfully taking with her the indefinable smell that had hung round the place for a few days) probably gave us the final push we needed to find somewhere proper to live. Or at least somewhere where our room mates were less likely to croak in the night. Our viewings thus far hadn't gone that well, with the last one being a two bed flat currently housing five people in its 'rooms' – two each in the rooms and a South African in a cupboard. That a slender Thai chap lived in the kitchen diner – with his chinchilla – was probably the deal breaker for me. And so we found ourselves fare-dodging across the city for one last throw of the dice. And thank fuck we did.

Dee and Bernie, about to to go to work.

Lou and I were sold on the place the moment we walked in through the door. Quite apart from the massive red leather couch that snaked its way around half the living room, we were reliably in formed that no one lived behind it, which was amazing enough in itself. That Dee (an effervescent, hilarious and generally fantastic Perth native) and Bernie (impossibly likeable, impressively chilled Warrington born, Everton supporter) didn't bat an eye when I inadvertently dropped the C-bomb moments into our viewing just underlined our hunch that this was the place for us. Four days later – during which we though they'd given the room to someone else, in fact they'd just each thought the other was going to call – we met in town to 'sort things out'. While we failed singularly to do anything of the sort, we did wind up get utterly shit-faced and end up a Led Zeppelin-themed ten pin bowling night, in what would turn out to be the first of very, very many such shenanigans. More of which in due course.

'Til then, stay warm,

Luke and Louise

(Posted by Luke)

Always take the weather with you

As you can probably tell from Lou's last two entries, we were pretty taken with New Zealand – the coffee, the camp-sites, the people, the coastline, the forests. And did I already mention the coffee? Sadly, time is running out on our time away and we are rushing like mad to get all up to date, so our last NZ entry is something of a 'greatest hits', all killer and no filler. But possibly a Flat White or two...

Napier and Hastings

Having decided to base ourselves at a truly bonkers camp-site in Cape Kidnappers, quite literally crumbling into the sea but with tremendous views and charm to boot, most our of time in Hawke Bay was spent visiting wineries and admiring architecture. How grown up were we?

Nestled only a few miles apart on the North Island's East Coast, these two small towns are any Art Deco fans living fantasy. Both  were rebuilt after a savage earthquake at a time when when architectural trends were very much Deco, giving each a jaw-dropping number and calibre of impeccable period pieces. Walking through Napier in particular is like stepping into an episode of Poirot, a feeling enhanced further by the many passers-by in period get up for the annual Art Deco weekend. But though regarded by locals and guidebooks alike as Napier's ugly little brother, Hastings edged it for me. More industrial, a bit grubbier and less preserved in aspic than Napier, it nonetheless has some grander, more imposing buildings. That some of the development around them has been less than sympathetic may spoil the view to some eyes, but to me just endowed them with a slightly bruised majesty.

Getting rat-arsed with Ross

New Zealand's bijou capital, Wellington, is something of a pocket rocket. Small in size and compacted by geographical constraints, it nonetheless buzzes with the rippling confidence of a country at ease with itself and a political class that do things slightly differently. And our time in the city started well thanks to our good friend from Wales and  then-Wellington resident, Ross Evans. He treated us to a whistle-stop tour of a few highlights (viewing point, War Memorial, Wettah workshop), and also knocked us up a full itinerary for our next – and last – day in town. We were determined to not waste what little time we had in town.

All of which made the  pain in my head as I woke up in the van, fully clothed, at 6.30am the next day even more acute. The memories came back in dribs and drabs – four bottles of wine with dinner, pints of Macs Gold in several boozers then bottles of Brains SA in the Welsh Bar Ross managed – the only one in the Southern Hemisphere, no less. The strange taste of sick and dog – or was it dog sick? - in my mouth must have been the pie I'd inhaled at 2.30 that morning, shortly before we decided to sleep on the main road through town. Classy.

And so we spent exactly half our time in Wellington eating a fry up and several boxes of Tim Tams chez Ross, all the while watching re-runs of The Bill and trying not to cry. The perfect Wellington experience? Possibly not. But a right laugh? Most certainly.

What really was classy was the ferry from the South Island to the North the next morning. Leaving at sunrise in a shimmering petrol-infused haze, mass car transportation has never seemed so glamorous. The cherry on the cake was the indefatigable cheeriness of the queuing Kiwis, even at the time of the morning in a queue of cars waiting to board a boat. Happy days.

Abel Tasman National Park

Time constraints (honestly!) meant that we were unable to do the four day Abel Tasman trek, but the full day we spent hiking this beautiful stretch of coastline was truly spectacular. Eschewing the option of sea-kayaking to our start point, we boated from our camp-site on the edge of the Abel Tasman National Park to our walk start point, finishing eight hours later with a pick up from a bobbing speed boat moored fifty yards out at sea next to a deserted beach at sunset. In between, we encountered nature at its most casually wonderful, rope bridges that I would have run away from if they hadn't been unavoidable, coastal vistas to die for – and the most insanely vicious, hungry and evil hordes of sand flies imaginable. Words don't do it justice – some of these picture almost do.

Arthur's Pass

Arthur's Pass is New Zealand's highest passing road, traversing the route near Mount Murchison and connecting the East Coast to the Wet Coast. Built during the Gold Rush to ferry gold from the local mines to Christchurch, the road today is still dizzying in its height, scale, surroundings – and often hair raising hairpin bends.

Though the gold is long gone, the area still mines the seams of its rich history with a brisk if small scale tourist trade and some of the finest hiking on the South Island. The whole area also retains an other-worldly feel, cut off from the rest of the Island – and in many ways, the world – thanks to the time-warp surroundings and a blessed absence of phone, radio and TV reception. All of which is why neither we nor the friendly French Canadian couple we were sat around an open fire in a former miners shelter with while camping that night had any idea of the horrors unfolding less than 100 miles away in Christchurch.

While spending a lovely morning the next day walking the historical trail in Arthur's Pass town, the penny finally dropped that something appalling had happened in the Christchurch. Of our many friends back home, only Penny Bull seemed vaguely au fait with Kiwi geography and was therefore pretty certain we had survived the earthquake unscathed. Of course, tragically many were not so lucky – which was why we spent a good few hours on the only PC terminal in a small hick town nearby replying to tens of emails and Facebook messages reassuring family and friends that were okay. The savage natural beauty of Arthur's Pass was, for then at least, put in the shade by the simple savagery of nature in Christchurch.

Glaciers Galore

One of the magical geographic highlights of the South Island are the famous glaciers, Fox and Franz Josef. It is quite staggering how these huge blocks of ice remain intact without melting despite being in between the coast and some forest on a lovely summers day, but due to some complex meteorological madness, they do. We were able to walk right up to the fascinating Franz Josef, all azure blues and luscious white curves. It is far more impressive in the... er... ice

Getting rat-arsed in Ross

No fears, pop-pickers – there was no drunken defiling of the aforementioned Mr Evans or anything odd like that. But, after being happily reunited with our good friend Jen for the last leg of our trip, we did spend our first night together in the  wonderfully bogan town of Ross getting pretty stiffed in the even more bogan Ross Inn. With it's stuffed animals on the walls, country music open mic, roaring open fire and unabashed racism and confused homophobia (see the sign from behind the bar below), it was certainly a night to remember.

With our very own Kiwi guide now travelling with us, we were treated to a New Zealand finale filled with insider knowledge and memories of Jen's road-trips past. As is so often the case travelling in New Zealand, half the fun is the journey itself – the stops were often fab bonuses.  A night wolfing down homemade spag bol on the banks of Lake Wanaka was magic, even after the sand flies attached with such ferocity that were forced to cram into the back of the Spaceship. But one of my happiest memories of New Zealand involves – shock, horror! - the meal we shared in Queenstown on our last night together. Queenstown itself is a charming quay-side town fit to burst with great food and drink as well as being an adrenaline junkies wank fantasy. Obviously, the idea of bungee jumping appealed to me about as much as a sleepover at Colonel Gadaffi's – but the notion of gorging on some of the finest food in the country was another matter entirely.

And boy oh boy, did the Botswana Butchery deliver on every level. Décor, service and setting were all impeccable, but it was the actual plates that delivered. Highlights? A toss up between my trio of lamb and my trio of chocolate, both crotch botheringly fine examples of good things coming in threes. But the real top marks were in the little things, such as the red cabbage and apple side dish that tinged on the tongue, or the mashed potato that was as fine an example of the specimen that I've ever tasted. And that's one hell of a lot of mash.

And as parting shots go, that's how I remember New Zealand, as our drive towards Christchurch – from where we dropped off the van and flew to Australia – was like a weird movie, people still too stunned to know quite how to react to what had happened. But in typical Kiwi style – and this is a true measure of the nation – they were carrying on with not only a quiet determination, but a smile.

Stay warm,

Luke and Louise

(Posted by Luke)