Heard It Through The Grapevine

Border crossings are always interesting, especially in South America. You've got the border towns selling all sorts of crazy things, rules and regulations, bag searches, and normally something going on that you don't understand. On top of all that, unlike in Europe you get an array of exciting stamps every time you cross.

Since we arrived in Quito at the beginning of October we've crossed nine borders, nearly all of which have been much smoother, simpler and easier, if not quicker, than most people would have you believe. The longest South American border we've done was Bolivia – Argentina.

My personal border crossing highlight however, was the crossing we made by bus from  Argentina to Chile, one of the strictest in terms of what you can take across. Not only are your bags searched they are put through x-ray machines. So what are the Chilean border guards looking for?

Terrorism? Bombs? Guns? Weapons? Liquids over 100ml?

Surely it's obvious I hear you cry, this is South America -no we weren't coming from Columbia, they weren't looking for drugs.

No the big threat to Chile is the bringing of produce that could spread agricultural diseases – fruit, honey or any dairy products. They have big signs up everywhere saying “Help Chile and declare any fruits or fruit based products, meat or meat based products or any dairy or dairy based products.”

In case you were unsure, there are signs explaining what this might include: fruit, dried fruit, jams, sandwiches, chocolates or sweets containing fruits or nuts. Before you get off the bus you have to fill in  form, in which you have to tick yes or no as to whether your carrying fruit, meat, honey or dairy.

All the passengers then take their hand luggage, and after being stamped out by Argentina, line up in a row behind a table, holding their luggage and the form, which they then handover to the inspecting border guard. Just to try and catch you out, as you hand over the form, he'll question you further on the contents of your bag-with a different question for everyone. “Do you have any sandwiches senora?” “Have you any ham or sausages?” “Apples, oranges or bananas senor?” And so on.

Most amusingly, he approached a 67 year old, American woman who for some unexplained reason was holding a large tub of raisins in her hand, next to her form. The guard points out that she has filled out her form wrong (having ticked “No” to fruit) and asked her to fill out another one.

She filled out the form and resubmitted it. “No” the guard cries, showing her the “No” fruit box.

“I don't have any fruit.” She says. He points at the raisins.

“Oh, these aren't fruit, they're raisins. Raisins aren't a fruit.”

The poor border guard is looking quite frustrated and tries to take the raisins.

“They're not fruit.”

At which point her friend, who looks like Side Show Bob, intervenes.

“I think the officer wants the raisins, Marylin. Hand the officer the raisins. Handover the raisins Marylin.”

She then handed over the raisins, and everyone was allowed to cross the border.

Just for the record 67 year old Marylin from the USA was a qualified doctor and retired GP.